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Berti's Gone

Nation Goes Wild for Allotment

Plaudits have been flooding in for Brownsound combo The Allotment since their inaugural TV appearance for the BBC on the 29th November. The historic TV event, broadcast to around half a million viewers around Scotland and elsewhere, was the first public performance of The Allotment's Scottish World Cup anthem, the title of which was changed to "It's Still On" at the last minute after a dispute with the show's producer.

The original song, titled "Berti's Gone" and celebrating the departure of sausage-munching half-wit Berti Vogts from the post of Scotland manager, was deemed too passť for Offside, a show that is renowned for its topicality. At one point there were even fears that the performance would have to be cancelled due to its un-newsworthiness. However, Steve Brown and Robin Ashton, who together make up The Allotment, duly came up with a more forward-looking and uplifting song with the rather over-optimistic message that Scotland can still qualify for the next world cup.

The other guests on the show, double Olympic gold medal-winning sailor Shirley Robertson and former Scotland manager Craig Brown, were both very impressed with The Allotment's debut screening. "It's great to have a world cup song again, and I'm sure The Allotment are destined for greatness. Their talent knows no bounds!" said an enthusiastic Brown. Craig was unfortunately unavailable for comment.

It is understood that Steve Brown caused a row with the show's directors when he appeared at the sound check with the Steve Brown Sound website address emblazoned across his guitar. Such shameless self-promotion is frowned upon by the BBC and after an exchange of words he agreed to remove it.

The Allotment have no current plans for another TV appearance but they are currently working on some new material, which could be made public to an eager public in the new year. If somebody offers them some money this time.

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